Doctor visits

Sometimes, in moments of human frailty, I find myself thinking, Maybe if the pediatrician hadn't noticed Buddy's heart murmur oh-so-long-ago, we wouldn't be on the path we're on now. Maybe we wouldn't have needed all the doctor visits and therapies. . . . Maybe we wouldn't be the parents of a child with special needs. As if, somehow, not finding his heart defect would have sent us down another path and would mean that he didn't have Williams syndrome and wouldn't have needed the visits to the various specialists.

But just as quickly as that thought flits through my head, I realize its irrationality and remember that it was a good thing he was diagnosed early so we can monitor his physical problems and proactively help him with therapies and interventions. And I also remember that God has given us the grace we need as we need it. And I'm thankful for where we are in life and for Buddy and Cubby.
While Cubby and I were still in the hospital, he had the newborn hearing test required by law. He failed the test in his left ear. The nurse was pretty sure he didn't pass because he screamed through entire test but we were required to schedule a follow-up appointment with an audiologist. I made the appointment . . . and then cancelled it a few days later.

At his one-week appointment, Cubby's weight was a little lower than the doctor thought it should be so he wanted us to return a few days later for a weight check. It was again low and he wanted us to return again for another check a few days after that. I never went back. (And, according to the scale we're using at home, he's gaining weight just fine.)

Somehow, I've transfered the anxiety and stress I felt when we were dealing with Buddy's issues as an infant to Cubby, and I just keep thinking, I don't want to go there again. However irrational, my thought is that if I don't start making doctor appointments for him, then maybe I won't need to keep making them and we won't end up in the same place as we are with Buddy. Am I crazy?

At any rate, my hope now is that I'm not breaking the law by not having Cubby's hearing evaluated and that the Department of Health people won't come knocking on my door and that I won't be thrown in jail when they discover I cancelled the audiology appointment. If this is the last blog post I do for awhile, you'll know where I am . . .