Do you use the word retard in a casual way? As in, "Man, that's retarded." Or, after doing something unwise, "I'm such a retard." It's just a word, right? An adjective like stupid or red?
Take another few moments and think about the word and the way it's used. In these situations, the word retarded is an adjective, yes, but it's an adjective the comes from a description for a certain group of people--those with the label mentally retarded because their IQ happens to be below a certain arbitrary number.
People like Buddy.
When you use the word retarded in contexts such as those above, you're, in effect, teasing Buddy for being inferior to you. You're demeaning someone made in God's image--just as you are.
Now, I understand that words can change in the way they are used. I have a friend who insists that word kid should only be used when referring to a young goat and never when referring to human children. But kid in colloquial language is now accepted to mean young child without any hangover from the goats.
And so while I'd like to suggest that you reevaluate how you use the word retard, I'd also like to suggest that you reevaluate how you think about those who bear the label mentally retarded.
And that's why I wrote this last year:
When Buddy was diagnosed with Williams syndrome, we read a lot of literature that used the phrases learning disabilities, cognitive delays, and intellectual disabilities. In years past, the phrase mental retardation was used to describe those with Williams syndrome and the like.
Yesterday (March 2), was the national Spread the Word to End the Word day--a day dedicated to raising awareness about the use of the word retard in all of its various forms. I appreciate the fact that the addage "words can never hurt me" is not true, and that words do have the power to inflict pain. And I appreciate the desire to raise awareness about the harm just one word, when used pejoratively, can do. However, it seems to me that eradicating a word from a nation's vocabulary isn't necessarily the answer.
Those truculent bullies who currently use the r-word to demean others will simply find another word with which to tease and taunt, will they not? Soon enough, I would surmise, learning disability will become the new r-word and those in the know will come up with yet another euphemism to describe those with mental handicaps. And what sense does it make for a teacher to reprimand a student for using a word that is "dehumanizing" and then turn around and teach that same student that, within the evolutionary worldview, we're nothing more than animals descended from ape-like creatures?
Instead, I would suggest the focus should be on teaching that each individual--regardless of mental capacity, skin color, or gender--is an image-bearer of the Creator. God has created everyone fearfully and wonderfully and with the purpose of bringing glory to Himself. We do not share an ancestor with apes, nor are some people more "highly evolved" than others. And, in His Word, the Creator has shown us through His Son that we are to be kind to one another, speaking to and about each other with gentleness, helping those who are weaker than ourselves. We can encourage people to understand that each of us is in the same position before our Creator--sinners in need of salvation. When we receive the gift of eternal life in Christ, we are transformed inwardly through the power of the Holy Spirit into the image of the Son of God.
While there's a certain dagger that runs through my heart when I hear someone carelessly use the r-word, it seems to me that discontinuing a word isn't necessarily the answer but that reminding people of what the Word teaches is.
May 10, 2012
Writing a letter
During the past few months, Buddy has made some big strides -- learning to ride his tricycle, learning to use the potty, learning to put words together in longer sentences. We've also been working with him on writing his name, as have his preschool teachers.
I've been doing a lot of hand-over-hand with him because his fine motor abilities are still pretty weak and drawing isn't a strength in those with WS. They tend to have visual-spatial difficulties (difficulty in recreating complex shapes -- for example, when drawing a house, they may draw a square in one place, the triangle for the roof in another spot on the page, and the rectangle for the door in still another spot on the page) which makes drawing difficult, as well.
We try to have a daily time where we draw and write on the white board my parents got him for Christmas. He likes using that more than coloring in coloring books or drawing on paper. His current favorite thing to draw is a "mixer" -- he's fascinated by KitchenAid mixers and likes to have us help him draw them. Writing his name is a necessary evil, in his eyes. He's not really into writting letters.
So I was understandably thrilled when he climbed on the chair this afternoon, grabbed his marker, and said, "Let's make a K." And then proceeded to write something -- on his own -- that actually resembled a K. He continues to surprise and encourage me.
And the cute vest that I ordered for him arrived today--now I just need to make some bean (or rice) bags to put in the pockets to turn it into a "weighted" vest.
I've been doing a lot of hand-over-hand with him because his fine motor abilities are still pretty weak and drawing isn't a strength in those with WS. They tend to have visual-spatial difficulties (difficulty in recreating complex shapes -- for example, when drawing a house, they may draw a square in one place, the triangle for the roof in another spot on the page, and the rectangle for the door in still another spot on the page) which makes drawing difficult, as well.
We try to have a daily time where we draw and write on the white board my parents got him for Christmas. He likes using that more than coloring in coloring books or drawing on paper. His current favorite thing to draw is a "mixer" -- he's fascinated by KitchenAid mixers and likes to have us help him draw them. Writing his name is a necessary evil, in his eyes. He's not really into writting letters.
So I was understandably thrilled when he climbed on the chair this afternoon, grabbed his marker, and said, "Let's make a K." And then proceeded to write something -- on his own -- that actually resembled a K. He continues to surprise and encourage me.
And the cute vest that I ordered for him arrived today--now I just need to make some bean (or rice) bags to put in the pockets to turn it into a "weighted" vest.
Success
We put Buddy to bed tonight after having the first accident-free potty-training day. And there was great rejoicing.
"Participate in toileting routine" was one of his IEP goals for this year so his preschool teachers have been working with him, as well, over the past few months. I'm so thankful for Mrs. Karla who said about two weeks ago, "You know, we wouldn't have a problem if you decided to send him in underpants--we've dealt with this for years." I really didn't think it would go well or quickly but decided to listen to her words of wisdom and just do it. One week later and here we are.
"Participate in toileting routine" was one of his IEP goals for this year so his preschool teachers have been working with him, as well, over the past few months. I'm so thankful for Mrs. Karla who said about two weeks ago, "You know, we wouldn't have a problem if you decided to send him in underpants--we've dealt with this for years." I really didn't think it would go well or quickly but decided to listen to her words of wisdom and just do it. One week later and here we are.
Rest assured I'm under no delusions that there will never be another accident, and night-training is another animal entirely. But I'm so proud of our little guy, who I guess isn't so little any more.
Brushing
I mentioned last week that I'd noticed Buddy was having trouble concentrating and paying attention during circle time at his preschool. After reading the post, my mom (a school teacher) asked some of her fellow teachers for ideas to help him.
The OT at her school suggested getting him a weighted vest for him to wear during the times he needs to concentrate. When I mentioned it to our OT, she suggested purchasing an inexpensive fishing vest and filling the pockets with bean (or rice) bags. So I checked on ebay, found a cute one I think might work, and ordered it. I'm hoping it will be here within the next day or two.
When I mentioned the weighted vest idea to Buddy's preschool teacher, she readily agreed that it would be helpful for him (she's taught children with special needs for 20 years) and suggested that a "wiggle disc" might help, too. So, I purchased two of those (one for school and one for home), and they arrived today. We'll see how he likes them.
The OT at her school suggested getting him a weighted vest for him to wear during the times he needs to concentrate. When I mentioned it to our OT, she suggested purchasing an inexpensive fishing vest and filling the pockets with bean (or rice) bags. So I checked on ebay, found a cute one I think might work, and ordered it. I'm hoping it will be here within the next day or two.
When I mentioned the weighted vest idea to Buddy's preschool teacher, she readily agreed that it would be helpful for him (she's taught children with special needs for 20 years) and suggested that a "wiggle disc" might help, too. So, I purchased two of those (one for school and one for home), and they arrived today. We'll see how he likes them.
This morning, our OT mentioned that she had another technique that she's used in the past with other children: "therapeutic brushing." At the WS conference we attended in 2010, I heard several of the lecturers mention brushing but since Buddy doesn't really have too many sensory issues (which is what the brushing is supposed to treat), I hadn't pursued it any further.
Our OT said that brushing is also good for developing focus and concentration. So she gave me a brush and showed me what to do.
He didn't seem to mind it -- he likes having his back scratched. I'm supposed to do it 3-4 times a day for two weeks and see if we notice any difference. Now I'm wondering, however, if I should hold off on using the vest and the wiggle disk so that we don't skew the results of this "experiment."
Bubble wrap as OT
Buddy's preschool teacher mentioned a few days ago that she thought the bubble wrap the kids had been doing during sensory time was helping to strengthen Buddy's fingers. That's one of the reasons I'm glad we have him in preschool--the teacher has been great about working with him in so many areas and with so many tools that I wouldn't think of on my own.
When she mentioned the bubble wrap, I immediately began trying to remember if we had bubble wrap anywhere at home that he could play with. We didn't.
Today, the mail lady brought us a package with the contents wrapped in "bubble pops" (as Buddy calls it). And he knew just what to do with it.
Is there any irony to the fact that the bubble wrap enclosed a book I'd ordered a few days ago about disabilities?
When she mentioned the bubble wrap, I immediately began trying to remember if we had bubble wrap anywhere at home that he could play with. We didn't.
Today, the mail lady brought us a package with the contents wrapped in "bubble pops" (as Buddy calls it). And he knew just what to do with it.
Is there any irony to the fact that the bubble wrap enclosed a book I'd ordered a few days ago about disabilities?
No time like the present
I've mentioned before that we've been in the process of potty-training Buddy for the past several months. It's not been going well.
So, today I decided to bite the bullet and switch him to underpants (sans rubber lining) cold turkey, with the thought that maybe he would finally realize what he's doing -- and the consequences of not doing what he's doing in the proper place -- and that would spur him into telling me when he needs to do what he needs to do.
Although I'd like to report that he got the hang of it immediately, this was not the case. He did, however, at one point, come to me and say, "I'm a mess." And later in the day, after he'd again gone on the floor and not on the potty, he started waddling like a penguin and saying, "Waddle, waddle, waddle" because he was uncomfortable with his current situation (I had to laugh). So, I'm encouraged that he may be that much closer to wanting to use the potty. We'll see what the next weeks bring.
So, today I decided to bite the bullet and switch him to underpants (sans rubber lining) cold turkey, with the thought that maybe he would finally realize what he's doing -- and the consequences of not doing what he's doing in the proper place -- and that would spur him into telling me when he needs to do what he needs to do.
Although I'd like to report that he got the hang of it immediately, this was not the case. He did, however, at one point, come to me and say, "I'm a mess." And later in the day, after he'd again gone on the floor and not on the potty, he started waddling like a penguin and saying, "Waddle, waddle, waddle" because he was uncomfortable with his current situation (I had to laugh). So, I'm encouraged that he may be that much closer to wanting to use the potty. We'll see what the next weeks bring.
April 13, 2012
You never know what you're gonna get
This morning we went for another visit with the OT we visited last week.
The thing about therapists is that you never know what kind you'll get. Some, like the OT we had in First Steps, are great. Very proactive in working with the child, very insistent on the child doing what needs to be done, and very good about suggesting ways for us to work with him. Others, like the DT we had in First Steps, are less insistent about getting the child to work and not as good about getting the family involved.
I was concerned that our new OT would be like the latter. So I was pleasantly surprised with Cindy this morning. She was really interested in finding out how he was doing and in working with him and getting him to stay on task. And I've learned that therapy is as much about getting the child help as it is about our learning what we need to be doing to help him -- a philosophy with which she agreed. She was very adamant that therapy is much more effective when the parent is involved the rest of the week.
So, we're off to another good OT start.
The thing about therapists is that you never know what kind you'll get. Some, like the OT we had in First Steps, are great. Very proactive in working with the child, very insistent on the child doing what needs to be done, and very good about suggesting ways for us to work with him. Others, like the DT we had in First Steps, are less insistent about getting the child to work and not as good about getting the family involved.
I was concerned that our new OT would be like the latter. So I was pleasantly surprised with Cindy this morning. She was really interested in finding out how he was doing and in working with him and getting him to stay on task. And I've learned that therapy is as much about getting the child help as it is about our learning what we need to be doing to help him -- a philosophy with which she agreed. She was very adamant that therapy is much more effective when the parent is involved the rest of the week.
So, we're off to another good OT start.
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